Battles of the mind

As I was struggling with some serious character deficiencies in my life yesterday, my husband reminded me to meditate on the following verse:

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:2)

Meditating on this set me to thinking about a serious battle I had as a child/early teen with taking every thought captive and submitting it to the Lordship of Christ. For several years I had to wage a battle in my mind... minute by minute taking EVERY thought captive. It is uncanny the extent to which the thoughts/attitudes which we willingly or unknowingly allow in our minds shape our attitudes, abilities, and actions.

This truth is vividly illustrated in Genesis 4:2-7

Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it."

Just like Cain, I do not do well, I indulge in a fallen face, and suddenly...sin is crouching at my door, desiring to devour me...to eat me alive...to destroy me. But...but says the Creator of my mind, my spirit, my will...you must rule over it.

I really do not have a choice. Like it or not, feel like it or not, want to or not, I must rule over it, dominate it, annihilate it, master it, or it will do so to me. My enemy the devil is like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour, and if he finds me without my armor on he will certainly eat me alive.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

This is my only defence...to put on the whole armor of God and to take every thought captive in submission to the Lordship of Christ.

Over Analysis

I have a tendency to be overly introspective, analytical, and even...pessimistic.
I analyze, ponder, consider, read into, and worst case scenario everything.
For any given situation I can instantly tell you what is wrong, what might go wrong, and how you should proceed to rectify what already is wrong. The problem is...I analyze to death. I pessimize to death. I consider to death. I live my life in constant looming awareness of my weaknesses and failures, and believe everybody around me is feeling the same about my failures. ( If you have any doubts on this...merely consider the subject of this blog! )

The problem (grimace) is, that this analysis sucks all the joy out of life. I analyze, analyze, analyze. I hide away in my cerebral world, and neglect to live, enjoy, and breathe. I forget that I am justified by the blood of Jesus Christ, that I am only here for a brief time, and that life is about enjoying God here and now. I forget that though I must never aim for failure, that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Not even condemnation from myself.

There is a time for thinking and a time for living, and often my thinking is an excuse to avoid the living. Thinking requires no work...living is saturated in it. Thinking conveniently neglects to include fallen human nature...living throws it in your face at every turn. Thinking puffs up...living humbles.

Thank you for being Christ to me...

The Body of Christ on earth is so amazing. It is beautiful to behold, and awe inspiring in its love. Thank you...thank you...thank you...to EVERY one of you out there who cared enough to encourage my overwhelmed heart today. To grasp that that many sisters in Christ all over the country were offering up prayers on my behalf is too precious for words. Thank you for reminding me that God is so much bigger than my mind can wrap itself around. Thank you for reminding me that He is my strength when I am empty and weak. Thank you for your precious love! It is dearly appreciated.

Wondering why?

Last Tuesday, my precious, wonderful, dearly loved mother-in-law passed away from breast cancer. I keep telling myself she is happier now, but that does nothing to take away the horrible pain of knowing I can never have her again in this life. I can never talk with her...never see her rock the baby now in my womb.

I arrived home from the funeral to find my cat who we really loved lying dead in the road. He is gone.

Saturday morning I woke with a debilitating flu. Fever and body aches have kept me in bed, passing in and out of sleep. It seems as if physical discomfort magnifies the emotional pain a thousandfold. I feel helpless and empty. Surrounded with pain, and too weak to deal with it.

Why? I know beyond all doubt that God is loving, Sovereign, and good. But sometimes, I feel floundering, and all I know to say is "why" ? Not rebelliously, not disrespectfully, but just confusedly..."why" ?

Please Lord, give me sight in this darkness.