Last Tuesday, my precious, wonderful, dearly loved mother-in-law passed away from breast cancer. I keep telling myself she is happier now, but that does nothing to take away the horrible pain of knowing I can never have her again in this life. I can never talk with her...never see her rock the baby now in my womb.
I arrived home from the funeral to find my cat who we really loved lying dead in the road. He is gone.
Saturday morning I woke with a debilitating flu. Fever and body aches have kept me in bed, passing in and out of sleep. It seems as if physical discomfort magnifies the emotional pain a thousandfold. I feel helpless and empty. Surrounded with pain, and too weak to deal with it.
Why? I know beyond all doubt that God is loving, Sovereign, and good. But sometimes, I feel floundering, and all I know to say is "why" ? Not rebelliously, not disrespectfully, but just confusedly..."why" ?
Please Lord, give me sight in this darkness.
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No one travels
Along this way but I,
This autumn evening.
-Basho, Matsuo (1644-1694).
Attempting the new.
No one travels
Along this way but I,
This autumn evening.
-Basho, Matsuo (1644-1694).
About Me
- Pumpkin
- In the "meta" and headed somewhere new.
20 comments:
I am so sorry for your losses and your flu misery. Feeling physical miserable does make it easy to see it all in dull shades of grey...I will say a prayer for you today to be strengthened and comforted as you ask your whys. I am always so grateful that the Lord doesn't mind an honest "Why?" question.
Peace to you and yours,
Diane
For Christians, the pain in death is that the rest of us are left behind. No words will relieve the pain you are feeling, but remember that time (while it doesn't heal completely) will lessen the pains of today.
There are many people praying for you and your family, and hopefully that can bring some kind of comfort.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:8,9&16
Oh pumpkin, I'm so sorry. I'm praying for your spritual and emotional renewal - and rejoicing over the literal renewal - your little one- who is growing in you!
Hang in there, you are loved.
(ps - I really like your blog!)
Pumpkin,
I am so sorry for your losses and your illness. I find it hard to see clearly when I am ill anyway, let alone in the pain of the loss of loved ones. I am praying for you, that you will know God's healing and comfort and draw ever-closer to the Lord.
Soli Deo Gloria!
I am so sorry to hear of your losses and illness. I know that when they all come piled on top of one another like that we are so apt to feel them all the more deeply. I will be praying that you will be comforted by the One who offers true comfort.
God Bless.
Sara
Aching for you in your loss and sickness...
As a wonderful friend of mine, who recently passed away, said so often, "We must be willing to fully feel pain before we can fully experience joy." In the two months since her death, her husband and 5 children are doing just that. They are not stiffling one tear.
May you feel His arms around you, carrying you when you have no strength left.
My children and I just prayed for you and I will be praying for you more today.
I am fervently lifting you before the LORD this day!!! I pray that God will just fill your spirit with peace beyond all measure. In the midst of your grief, I pray that He will surround you with love unspeakable and heal your body from all illness. As you grieve I pray He brings you comfort and assurance that He is in full control of your future and this will get better. You will miss your beloved Mother-in-law but I pray God will fill that void with the joy and peace that only He can give. Know you are being lifted up and that you are truly the apple of God's eye. He cares so much for you and where you are right now...
Blessings beyond all you can imagine to you and your dear family at this time and in the days to come...
Pumpkin
'In every condition, in sickness in health,
In poverty's vale, or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea,
As thy days may demand shall thy strength ever be.
Fear not, I am with thee, oh be not dismayed,
I, I am they God and will still give thee aid,
I'll strengthen thee, help thee
And cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes,
That soul, though all hell should endeavour to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake'
('K'-Dr John Rippon's selection)
Verses 2,3 and6 from How firm a foundation.
May you know God's tender arms around you and healing at this time.
Susanna
dear sister! may you rest in His comfort, His grace. i pray for quick healing, from the Master Healer. blessings, dear one!
Pumpkin,
You are blessed.
For I promised,
those who mourn
will be comforted.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matt.5:4)
I am here...and I'm holding you close.
Loving you forever and ever,
Jesus
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can pretty much understand the pain that you are feeling now. I have lost my earthly father to cancer when he was just 52. I take comfort in the thought that we will be reunited.
"Where, O death, is you victory?
Wherem O death. is your sting?...
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory trhoguh our Lord Jesus Christ."
May our Lord and Savior comfort you at this time of loss.
(((HUGS))) for you during this difficult time. My prayer for you will be that God will not only give you comfort but also understanding. Please hang on to the knowledge that our God is good and He loves us tremendously!
God bless you and your family.
Pumpkin, I just want you to know that I am lifting you up in prayer. It is so difficult to lose a mother. In my own experience, the grief was sometimes overwhelming. But, God was so good to put people in my path who encouraged me and just let me grieve. I am confident he will do the same for you. Just give yourself permission and time to grieve for all of your losses.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Cor. 1:3-4
May God wrap His loving arms around you.
"Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I am praying for you today. It is so hard when we get hit with things all at once. Be comforted today in knowing that God has placed it on the hearts of His followers to lift you up in prayer.
Pumpkin,
I want you to know that as I write this I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. I know things are tough but remember that God loves you...more than you can possibly know.
He will give you the strength to make it through this season and on to happier times.
One verse that is an encouragement to me, when life seems to hand us so many blows, is “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Rev. 21:4 Until that time, there will be sadnesses, and heartaches, and tears are ok - and He holds those tears for us. And, He also says "weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning." Ps. 30:5 The night may be long, but hold on dear sister, JOY WILL COME!
My heart aches with you. I understand grief, and I will pray for you.
Loni
may we enjoy the moments we have, and love the ones that are still here...Im so sorry to hear your loss, I truly believe that He will give you that wisdom and comfort as you continue to see "why"
I'm so sorry. This is a lot at one time - even one of these trials is a lot and here you are under the weight of all three.
We may fail to feel it sometimes, but His love never fails. He's got you in His arms. Rest in Him, Sister.
You are bring prayed for.
To quote Elizbeth Elliot "You are loved with an everlasting love, and underneath are His everlasting arms." May our God uphold you and strengthen you during this time. When we are weak He is strong.
In Christ,
Spunky
Your prayer reminded me of this song. Continue to cling to Him who loves you so.
be thou my vision
oh lord of my heart
naught be all else to me
save that thou are
thou my best thought
by day or by night
waking or sleeping
thy presence - my light
riches i heed not
nor man's empty priase
thou my inheritance now and always
thou and thou always first in my heart
high king of heaven my treasure thou art
high king of heaven my treasure thou art
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