I have a tendency to be overly introspective, analytical, and even...pessimistic.
I analyze, ponder, consider, read into, and worst case scenario everything.
For any given situation I can instantly tell you what is wrong, what might go wrong, and how you should proceed to rectify what already is wrong. The problem is...I analyze to death. I pessimize to death. I consider to death. I live my life in constant looming awareness of my weaknesses and failures, and believe everybody around me is feeling the same about my failures. ( If you have any doubts on this...merely consider the subject of this blog! )
The problem (grimace) is, that this analysis sucks all the joy out of life. I analyze, analyze, analyze. I hide away in my cerebral world, and neglect to live, enjoy, and breathe. I forget that I am justified by the blood of Jesus Christ, that I am only here for a brief time, and that life is about enjoying God here and now. I forget that though I must never aim for failure, that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Not even condemnation from myself.
There is a time for thinking and a time for living, and often my thinking is an excuse to avoid the living. Thinking requires no work...living is saturated in it. Thinking conveniently neglects to include fallen human nature...living throws it in your face at every turn. Thinking puffs up...living humbles.
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Sins of the mother...? Sounds to me as if you're way ahead in figuring your way out of this. Right now just throw yourself into the blessedness of ordinary life (the living part of your discourse), let your sins humble you and make you tender toward others, and realize that God is using all your musings for His glory. You can't see "why" right now because you're in the training phase and it hasn't all come together, but He'll show you in time.
It's good to have you back!
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